


Weep For Me, and Rejoice With Me

by BettyHT



Series: Janes [3]
Category: Bonanza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-12
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-29 23:03:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16274186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BettyHT/pseuds/BettyHT
Summary: A serious problem for Adam causes him to have to make some adjustments in his life.  Third story in a series, it follows Bounty Hunter and Chasing The Wind.





	Weep For Me, and Rejoice With Me

Weep For Me, and Rejoice With Me

Chapter 1

The warm breeze ruffling the curtains did little to soothe the exhaustion Adam felt that morning and did nothing to cool the sweat already beading on his body as temperatures began to rise even as the sun barely rose above the horizon. Regrettably in the hot dry air, he lay next to Jane not wanting to pull her close because it was uncomfortably hot to sleep with his arms wrapped around his wife. He missed the closeness but neither of them could sleep when they only made each other even more miserable by being in such close proximity, and the heat wave that caused them this discomfort showed no signs of abating. Working conditions were abysmal with the wind constantly blowing up the dust, unrelenting heat drawing moisture from one with every breath they took, and that blazing sun offering no relief. Tempers were short too with those problems to be faced daily and then everyone had to face nights of tossing and turning trying to sleep in temperatures that were only slightly lower than daytime highs. It was difficult to even summon an appetite to eat a hot nourishing breakfast and wash it down with cups of hot coffee. As a result, no one had the energy they needed no matter how much they tried to force themselves to do what had to be done. The only things in abundance in the heat wave were hot tempers and the triggers that set those off. Adam felt guilty for that very thing on that morning and waited longer than usual to get out of bed because he needed to make things right with Jane or he would have another burden to carry throughout the day. As he felt her stir, he moved closer to her and caressed her arm so that she would turn toward him.

"I'm sorry. I was a jackass last night. I have no excuse. You have every right not to forgive me for what I said, but I hope you will anyway."

"It was as much my fault as it was yours. All of this has put both of us on edge."

"Jane, I do want a child as much as you do."

"I know you do, and it was wrong of me to say you didn't."

"I'll try harder to make that come true for us, but last night I was so exhausted I couldn't even think about it. I lost my temper too. It seems there are so many things to worry about, and I didn't want to have to worry about that too."

"I know. Maybe we can find some time to relax and cool off at the lake. Maybe that would help."

"It probably would, but I don't know when. I have to work today, and then tomorrow, I'm heading to San Francisco for those meetings. Pa really wants those contracts so we can try to get out from under those loans he took out. We should have been able to finish paying them off this year, but the losses we're taking because of this drought could mean we won't be able to do that unless I get these contracts."

"I could go with you."

"I wish you could, but Pa only set up travel for one, and there's no time now to make other arrangements. At least I won't be gone long. I should be home in less than two weeks."

"Maybe by then, I'll have some news."

"Jane, it will happen when it happens. Don't worry. I'm sure there will be a baby in our future. It hasn't been that long. Now, I need to get up or my brothers are going to be upset with me for shirking my responsibilities especially after I got on Joe yesterday for getting up so late."

"Are you going to apologize to him?"

That made Adam pause. He wasn't in the habit of apologizing to his younger brother, but as he thought about what Jane had said, he knew he probably should. He hadn't asked Joe if there was any reason why he had slept later than usual and knew Joe hadn't been out the night before so that wasn't the problem. He had let his temper rule his response and that was wrong. He knew it and looked sheepishly at his wife for reminding him of what he should have known and what he should have done. All he could do was nod. She smiled in that way she had that said she understood. Sometimes that made him a bit irritated too, but he was getting used to it as he realized he was adjusting to being part of a couple and not as stubbornly independent as he had always tried to be. It wasn't his natural way or the way he had tried to live his life for quite a long time so it was taking some effort to accept.

"There are times you seem to know me better than I know myself."

"No, I only remind you to be yourself when you forget just as you do that for me and have done for me at very important times in my life." Jane was reminding him of the very recent dispute with her father that still worried both of them as to whether the man was truly finished with any interference in their lives. Adam had a concern about that but didn't want to worry her. She saw the look however brief that he had when he thought about it though and guessed what it was because she had the same worry. They talked often about having a baby, but she worried that if they did and it was a boy, her father might reconsider that a male heir might be worth his time and effort. However for the time being, he was out of their lives. It was the elephant in the room though even if they had never talked about it. At some point, it would have to be discussed. For now, Adam needed to resolve any hard feelings with his younger brother though before that flared into anything more serious. He got his chance as soon as he got to the breakfast table. Joe was still there with their father. Hoss had already gone. Joe didn't acknowledge him arriving even as Ben greeted him. Adam didn't waste any time.

"Joe, I need to apologize for my behavior yesterday morning. I had no right to question you as I did. I can say my only excuse was my bad temper and that is a mighty flimsy reason to talk the way I did. I ask that you could please forgive me anyway. I will try to curb my mouth despite the difficult conditions we are all facing and the tempers that are all on edge."

Joe had started to listen with an angry look that quickly turned to surprise and then outright amusement. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He looked to their father to see if he was hearing correctly. "Yes, son, your older brother has issued a full and complete apology. I believe you ought to accept it."

Turning back to Adam, Joe put out his hand, and Adam took it and shook. "Thanks, older brother. I figured on this being an unpleasant day, but it's starting out a lot better than yesterday. I know you haven't asked, but I was not feeling well the night before or yesterday. I feel better today."

Immediately concerned, Adam had to ask. "What was wrong?"

"An upset stomach, hotter than I ought to be even considering the weather, and dizziness. Pa said maybe I didn't have enough to drink, but I'm sure I did. You know how Hoss is when you work with him. He makes sure of those things and we took a long break at lunch and laid out in the shade to cool down when we had lunch. Besides, Candy says a few of the hands are feeling the same, and a few are even sicker. Anybody who can is doing light duty like I did yesterday. A few are in their bunks."

Unaware of that, Adam looked to his father. "Yes, after you went off in a huff, I found out what was bothering Joe and kept him close to home. Hoss knew what was wrong. You were late for dinner last night so you missed that discussion."

"Jane didn't say anything."

"She waited for you so she didn't have dinner with us either. She didn't know."

Looking back at Joe with concern, Adam had another question. "Are you all right to work today?"

"I'm feeling better. I plan to go out to work with you and Hoss. I figure the two of you will look out for me."

Joe was smiling because he always liked it better when he was on good terms with his brothers. Ben however had a different plan for Adam.

"Adam, I'd like you to go to town today though. I have some contracts that need to be checked over by Hiram as well as some tax documents and other papers. Unfortunately I think I've got a touch of what Joe had and some of the others are feeling too."

It was then that both Joe and Adam realized that their father's plate was clean. He hadn't eaten anything. As if by magic, Hop Sing arrived at the table and set a cup of tea by their father's plate.

"You drink. It settle stomach and make you feel better. Maybe you take nap too."

"Pa, I'll do whatever needs to be done. Maybe you ought to listen to Hop Sing. He usually knows best." Adam's comment brought that all knowing look from the cook, but Ben only shook his head.

"I'm not sleepy. I already said you can take the trip to town, and I'll stay in the house and do light work as Joe did yesterday. I'm not as sick as those men who need to take to their bed. I'll be fine."

Realizing that if their father could make that kind of response, he probably was being accurate in his assessment, Adam and Joe agreed to do as he asked and left him in Hop Sing's capable care. Adam did tell Jane all that had occurred so that she was aware she ought to stay away from those who were ill, and he headed to town to carry out the errands his father had set as Joe headed out to work with Hoss who had gone ahead an hour earlier.

As Little Joe arrived in the pasture to help Hoss with the fence repairs and extension, he noted that Hoss didn't have the usual pleasant demeanor, and in fact, he looked clearly perturbed.

"Where's Adam?"

"He went to town. Pa told him to deliver some paperwork to Hiram and wait for it to be checked and then bring it back. He likely won't be back before dinner."

There was no response from Hoss about that, and he stayed very quiet for the rest of the morning saying only what needed to be said to get the work done. Still feeling tired as an aftereffect of the previous day's illness, Joe wasn't in any mood to push Hoss into a conversation and preferred to work steadily although he did think he should tell Hoss that their father was feeling ill. He decided to wait until lunch. At lunch, Hoss moved to the shade of a tree, and Joe was grateful to settle there beside him. After drinking from his canteen and eating a small part of his lunch, Joe decided it was time to find out what was wrong. The answer he got left him wondering as much as he was before he asked.

"Water is powerful 'cause it don't never give up. That's where waterfalls come from. The water pushes agin that rock one drop at a time 'til it cuts its way clean through what was solid rock. Well that's me too. I ain't never gonna give up. You kin tell Adam that, and you kin tell Pa too for that matter."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Adam coming back and thinking he knows it all, and I'm talking about Pa listening to him instead of to me when I been here all along. What Adam wants to do is all dad blamed wrong, but he and Pa won't even listen to what I got to say. All they can talk about is fire and drought and all that stuff Adam keeps saying, but neither of them will talk about what I'm saying."

"Well, I would talk about it if you would tell me what it was."

"Don't matter. You see, we don't matter, and that's the real problem. Only one that matters on this is Adam. That's the real problem now, ain't it? I don't want to talk about this no more. It only makes me madder than I already was. Now finish your lunch and let me finish mine. We need to get some rest and cool down so we can finish that fence so we don't have to work all day in the blasted sun tomorrow."

"It will probably be a good thing if we think about putting everyone on a light schedule for a few days with the number of men who are sick. Pa's feeling sick this morning too."

"And Adam left him alone at the house?"

"He's not alone. Hop Sing is there and so is Jane. Adam went to town as Pa asked him to, and I came out here." Pausing in thought for only a moment, Joe had another question. "Why aren't you mad at me for leaving Pa alone at the house too?"

"It don't matter." Hoss laid back then and closed his eyes. Joe knew he wouldn't get an answer from him until he was ready to talk so he did the same. As he rested, he decided that perhaps he ought to talk with Adam to try to find out what the trouble was between his two older brothers because it was clear that Hoss was very upset and unwilling to talk about it.

It was fairly quiet at dinner that evening with Ben sipping tea and not eating much nor talking much. Hoss kept his head down, ate, and then excused himself to go to his room claiming he needed to sleep. Joe asked Adam after dinner if they could talk, and Adam nodded because he had a good idea what it was about. He motioned to Joe to head over to the desk as soon as their father settled into his chair and began to read although his eyes were drooping. Quietly Adam pulled a map from the sideboard and spread it on the desk. There was a thick red line drawn along some of the ridges of the Ponderosa. Joe asked what it was and Adam explained it was a firebreak so that if a major fire broke out, there would be a place to fight it regardless of where it was and there would be access to it as well.

"It would take some time to log those areas, but once it was done, we would be under less threat from a fire getting out of control and destroying all of our timber. As dry as it is in years like now, the danger is great."

Looking at the line carefully, Joe realized where most of the firebreak lines were. "But almost all of that timber you want to cut lies in the section of the Ponderosa that Hoss is supposed to get."

"Yes, and therein lies the problem between us."

Studying the map silently for the next ten minutes, Joe looked up. "And there's no other way to do it, is there?"

Chapter 2

As far as the illness afflicting the population on the Ponderosa, Joe turned out to be the lucky one. By the following day, there was no question that they had to put the hands on light duty because so many were ill. Ben too was sicker than he had been and was confined to bed. Hoss was sick as well. Jane was fine and kept her distance from the men worried that if she was with child as she hoped she was, she couldn't take a chance on becoming ill. Adam had no symptoms and packed his valise to take the business trip as planned even though Jane thought he should consider staying home or at the very least taking someone with him.

"That won't work for the same reason that you can't come with me, and I have to go. We need these contracts. Now, I'm fine. I didn't spend any time yesterday with anyone who was ill. I'll be away for a few weeks, and by the time I get back, this should all be over."

Reluctantly, Jane agreed with his logic. He was warm when she hugged him and kissed him goodbye, but it was hot as it had been for months. She was too distracted by worry to notice that he wasn't sweating which should have been a warning sign to both of them. Adam realized by the end of the day of travel that he had been wrong in his assessment of his health. As the day progressed and he felt nauseated by the smells of his fellow travelers and the thought of food aggravated the feeling, he knew he had contracted the malady that had afflicted the others. He avoided meals, asked only for crackers and coffee, and sipped cool water when he could get it. He slept fitfully at the stage station that night, and in the morning, felt weak and knew he should probably return home. However his dogged determination to finish a job as well as his recognition that there was no one at the ranch who would be able to get to San Francisco in time for the meetings if he returned at this late date, made him continue on.

By the time Adam checked into his hotel in San Francisco, he was weak, feverish, and exhausted. Unable to recover from the illness because of the rigors of travel, he was in far worse condition than most who had contracted the illness. He had meetings to attend early the next morning so he ordered a bath and shaved before falling into bed only to awaken late the next day and had to hurry to the meeting. He made apologies but knew he was already at a disadvantage because of his tardy arrival and probably also because of his appearance which was far less than his usual impeccable. He tried to follow the discussion and take notes but found he was often confused by the discussion and had to ask for some things to be repeated which further irritated the men conducting the meeting. It went much the same way the second day. That evening when he sat in his hotel room trying to formulate a contract offer studying his notes and referring to all the information his father had sent along, he found the numbers swimming together most of the time and making little sense to him. He had sent a messenger to summon one of the family lawyers who was also a good friend. When he heard a knock on the door, it was with great relief that he opened the door to find him standing there.

"Adam, you look terrible. Are you ill? You should see a doctor."

"I have to admit I've felt better, but I have work that has to be done. I need your help with some Ponderosa business. It isn't the kind of work you usually do for us, but you are trusted with confidential work for us so I thought I could trust you to help me with this. I didn't know who else to ask."

What ensued was Adam doing his best in his weakened state to give a crash course in contract bids to a lawyer who had never done one. Then the two looked over the numbers that Adam had and worked out what seemed to be a reasonable offer. By the time they finished, it was one in the morning.

"Adam, this probably isn't the best you would do if you were feeling well, but as well as I can determine, the Ponderosa will make money on this contract and it will be competitive and stand a good chance of being selected."

"That's all I can ask of you. Thank you. And these hours should be billed to me personally and not to the Ponderosa."

"But I was doing work that benefited the Ponderosa directly."

"It was only because I was unable to do what I was supposed to do. Thank you, but that's how I want it done."

"Very well, I'll do it that way, but I certainly think your father would understand."

"Maybe, but there have been enough surprises and disappointments that I have caused. I would rather get this job done the way he expected or at least accomplish what has to be done without any of that. Now, I do need to get some sleep, and I'm sure your lovely wife is wondering where you are at this hour."

"I'll leave a wake up call at the desk for you. You look like you'll need one."

Indeed, Adam did need one and quite a bit more. He was feeling awful the next morning but did manage to get to the meeting in time to submit the contract offer. He waited out the day as the others did but didn't engage in conversation preferring to slouch in a chair with his eyes closed nursing his sore head. Some of his competitors assumed he had partied the night before but the more shrewd and knowing among them were aware that he was ill and stayed away from him. In the middle of the afternoon, the men were summoned into the room and winning bids were announced. Adam was awarded the bid he had tendered. He accepted it quietly. As he was about to leave, one of the men stopped him.

"It wasn't the usual bid from the Ponderosa, and I noted the handwriting wasn't the same, but you did deliver it. It is legitimate, isn't it?"

"It is. I needed some help to pen it last night."

"I guessed you were not feeling well by your behavior during the meetings. It wasn't your usual, but I must commend you. Even at your worst, you did better than some of the others. At least you will get some of our business. I look forward to dealing with you again in the future. Good day to you."

Adam knew the man was mostly concerned that there wasn't any underhanded dealing involved in the bidding process. Once assured that Adam had delivered a legitimate offer, the rest of the solicitous conversation was being polite only. But at least the man had noticed. With the signed offer in hand, Adam headed back to the hotel intent on getting as much sleep as he could before he had to take the trip back home which was going to be arduous under the circumstances. He had eaten almost nothing in the previous week and a half and was feeling the effects of that as much as the illness. He wondered if he was even ill any more or if it was the lingering aftereffects that made him feel so awful. It didn't matter much though. He needed rest and had about eighteen hours to get as much as he could before he began the trip home. By the time Adam endured the bouncing and jouncing of public transportation, the endless attempts of strangers to make small talk, and the nearly unpalatable food that was served at stations and on the train, he was almost as exhausted as he had been by being ill. The one consolation was that he arrived in Virginia City as scheduled and Sport was in the livery stable waiting for him delivered there that morning by his youngest brother. He tied his valise to the back of the saddle and began the ride home taking his time because he didn't have the energy to do anything more even though he did miss his wife and longed for his bed. The sight of the ranch house brought the familiar feeling in his chest and he felt Sport speed up a little too as home was so close. Jane must have sensed him getting close because she came outside as he rode into the yard, and Adam felt for the most overwhelming sense of love that he could remember feeling seeing her smile and open her arms for him. Her love for him was unconditional. Holding her in his arms, he knew that he didn't want to take any more business trips without her if he could manage it so he told her that.

"I would like that too."

"Walk with me to the stable while I take care of Sport?"

"Of course. Adam, you seem thinner. Didn't you eat while you were gone?"

Sighing, Adam knew he had to tell her the truth so he did but tried to downplay how ill he was by explaining that he was able to attend his business meetings and get the contract for the Ponderosa. He did mention that he got help but asked her to keep that confidential. After he confided in her, he wasn't even sure why he had told her except that it was becoming increasingly easy to tell Jane whatever was on his mind. In a way, that was refreshing and allowed him a freedom of expression he had never truly had, but it was also something with which he was uncomfortable too for the same reason. At least he could be relieved that whatever illness had stalked the Ponderosa seemed to have run its course and everyone was back to feeling well again. Once Sport was munching on his hay, the couple strolled to the house. Adam was pleased to be able to hand a contract to his father and only hoped that he wouldn't be too disappointed in the terms.

"Adam, I'm surprised that you allowed such a strong penalty clause to be in here. We haven't had one like that in a long time."

"There was a lot of stiff competition for the contracts. I didn't think we would likely have any trouble making those deadlines and allowed quite a cushion of time considering the size of our crews."

"Yes, I can see that, but those penalty clauses always make me nervous because of the unexpected, but if it has to be, I guess we can deal with it. I wish the margin was a bit higher but if we get everything done according to the terms, we can pay off those loans so it will do."

Wanting very much to tell her father-in-law why Adam had been unable to do better, Jane knew she couldn't break his confidence so she kept her silence. Adam's pride wouldn't let him admit that he had been ill. He would rather bear some slight disappointment that his father had in the contract than to admit that he had been physically unable to perform his usual negotiating magic because of illness. She could tell how fatigued he was too so she was even more concerned when Ben suggested that Adam might have to take another trip.

"Your brothers have been very busy catching up on the work that wasn't done while everyone was sick. No one has been up to the timber camps or checking in at the progress at the lumber mill. You've been away, but by tomorrow, I'd like you to take a ride up there to see how things are going."

Standing at Adam's side, Jane felt him flinch at the request, but yet he agreed to it. She again wanted so much to argue that he shouldn't go. It was an arduous right up to the camps, and days up there were from sunup to sundown. However, Adam had to make the choice, and it was clear that he already had. That night, they went to bed quite early and Adam fell asleep almost immediately. Jane lay beside him staring up at the shadows cast by the moonlight coming through the window worried about her husband and what the next few days would be like for him. She worried for three days and was greatly relieved when he arrived home. He needed a shave, needed to bathe, and quite obviously needed some sleep, but he was fine otherwise.

"I can see you were worried. I hope you didn't lose sleep over this."

"Not too much. Only at night." Jane smiled slightly as Adam pulled her close.

"I'm sorry, but the worst is over now. Let's go inside so I can get cleaned up. It's Saturday, and tomorrow I think we ought to have a picnic by the lake and finally get that chance to cool off in the water."

That brought a genuine smile from Jane and an answering grin from Adam for both knew there was going to be a lot more going on than cooling off in the water. They headed to the washroom and Adam was stripping down to bathe when a rider came into the yard yelling that word that they never wanted to hear.

"Fire! Fire! There's fire on the eastern ridge. Fire!"

Chapter 3

Putting his hands on Jane's shoulders, Adam turned her to face him. "Stay here. Do whatever Hop Sing tells you to do. He knows what to do in this kind of thing. All right?" As anxious as he was to go help fight that fire, Adam's first concern was the safety of his wife. Seeing the fear in her eyes, he wanted more than anything to be able to stay with her and make her feel secure, but he knew she understood that he could not do that. She nodded and moved told him to go do what he had to do, but with tears in her eyes she told him to stay safe. For every minute he was gone, she was going to suffer torment. Already the environment outside was chaotic with men grabbing tools, burlap and old blankets, buckets, and various other items and loading them into wagons as others saddled horses and headed off in the direction of the fire. Ben barely acknowledged that Adam was back at first but then turned to him.

"Do you think we can make that firebreak if we put the whole crew to work at it now?"

"Maybe but we'll probably have to set charges too."

"Can you get some dynamite and do that part? Hoss and I can get the crews cutting trees, and I'll have Joe take charge of crews trying to slow the fire while we do that."

It was a plan born of desperation but had a reasonable chance of succeeding. Adam agreed and told his father that he was taking the large carriage then because the springs were new and would make transporting the dynamite and other materials safer. Ben agreed and said they would meet him near the ridge as soon as he could get there. When he did, they quickly mapped out a line for the firebreak and set to work with Adam placing charges well away from where men were actively cutting. The fire was advancing on them rapidly though so it was a desperate fight and chances were being taken that wouldn't have been taken if they had time to be prudent. In his black clothing, it was often difficult to see where Adam was in the smoke that was starting to obscure their vision and both Hoss and Ben warned the crews to locate him before they dropped any of the large trees. The firebreak they created was wide enough but was only about a half mile long when the first of the fiery embers starting dropping among them and igniting small flames. Some of the men had to be reassigned to fight those even as Ben worried that Joe and his crews weren't falling back fast enough and might be caught in the conflagration if the fire crowned.

It was with great relief when those men finally started showing up among his crews and helping. That way they could keep fighting the small fires and could get back to dropping more trees. In the confusion, they lost track of where Adam was with the two men who were working with him until a series of blasts let them know that the cutting crew and the blasting crew were in an uncomfortable proximity. The fire was close then anyway and they fell back to the safe side of the firebreak hoping it would hold and fought the small fires that falling embers continued to start.

By dawn, they knew that they had been successful. There luckily had been no wind overnight and the fire had burned itself out. That morning, some men unfortunately had to stay behind to continue to fight the small flare-ups. Ben promised that there would be replacements there in four hours as soon as some of the other men got breakfast and a couple of hours sleep.

As all the men assembled and assignments were given, it was the first time that anyone realized that two men were missing and unaccounted: Adam and one of the men with whom he had been working. A search was begun immediately starting with the last place anyone had seen them which was on the steepest part of the slope where they had been setting charges. The third man had gone back for more blasting caps but had thought they were unnecessary when he saw the blasts go off and the trees all coming down. After that, there were no more trees to blast so he had joined one of the other crews not thinking that there was any trouble. The man who had been at Adam's side was found first. He had been trapped by fallen trees and apparently had suffocated when the smoke became too thick. There was no sign of Adam there so the search proceeded further down the steep slope. They found Adam further down trapped as well under downed trees. Because he was further downslope, he had been spared suffocation but he was injured more seriously. Trees felled by the men cutting had started a chain reaction and felled trees that toppled into them even as the first few charges were set off which apparently had further worsened the collapse. It took some time to extricate Adam from the debris. His right leg was badly abraded and was unconscious from a head injury, but at least his family was relieved that he was breathing fairly normally. A sling was rigged with blankets and ropes so that he could be lifted up the slope and within an hour, he was on a wagon and headed home. A rider had been sent to town to summon the doctor who would hopefully meet them at the house. Joe went to the house too to tell Hop Sing and Jane so that they could get things ready for Adam's care, and then Joe stayed with Jane to try to reassure her that Adam's injuries had not looked too bad.

"But he was sick in San Francisco and lost weight, and then he was up at the timber camps and the lumber mill without a proper chance to get any rest. He was exhausted already and now this."

Surprised at those revelations, Joe was worried too that Adam was weaker than usual and might be hampered in his recovery because of that. Doctor Martin had similar concerns when he came out to see the family after tending to Adam.

"Has Adam been ill lately? He seems very thin."

Ben was going to answer in the negative except Jane and Joe began to explain what Jane had said earlier to Joe. Paul nodded as what they said fit what he had found. Jane asked him then to please tell her about Adam.

"As far as I can tell, he should recover from the injuries, but his recent illness and being so exhausted will likely make the recuperation longer than normal. His leg will need the bandages changed frequently at first as the wounds there are shallow but will likely weep quite a lot at first. His head injury has me concerned but his breathing and other signs are normal so I'm hopeful that it will be nothing more than a concussed brain. He will need to stay in bed resting where it is quiet. With his leg, that should be a practical necessity as well."

Without waiting to hear any more, Jane went to their bedroom to sit at Adam's side. Ben felt a pang of loss realizing that he had lost that role and watched his daughter-in-law go do what he so longed to do himself. Instead, he saw the look that Hoss had and knew he had another wounded son to help. After ushering Paul into the kitchen for a good hot meal before he left, Ben sought out Hoss.

"Feeling guilty about Adam being hurt."

"He coulda been kilt, Pa, and it woulda been all my fault."

"Only if you dropped the tree on him."

"Pa, it ain't funny."

"I know it isn't funny, but that's the only way it could be your fault."

"But don't you see? We woulda been making that firebreak a long time ago except I was being stubborn about any trees being cut down for that. Instead, we got lucky. There was no wind hardly at all, and we had most of our men available right off so we were able to split into crews too. Adam was here to set dynamite charges, and we had the dynamite to set cause he ordered it to clear out some stumps. See, we were real lucky. Me being stubborn coulda got Adam kilt instead of just hurt so bad."

"Hoss, I was the one who held up making the firebreaks. I wasn't sure they were necessary. It seemed to be a lot of work for what might never be needed. If you want to lay blame, then blame me. I sent Adam off to San Francisco to meetings without ever considering that he might be ill. Apparently he got sick on the trip. Then when he came back, he didn't want to admit that to me and kept it quiet so I sent him up to the timber camps when he probably should have been here in bed recuperating. There's always blame to be assessed if that's what you want to do, but looking back, we can always see how we should have done things."

"I wish we'd a done 'em all a lot better."

Further discussion was halted when Hop Sing came to tell them that Adam was awake. They hurried to see him and found Jane spooning some water into his mouth. It was then though that they all discovered that the head injury had left a devastating result. Adam frowned at them as they talked to him and asked him questions. He turned to Jane and watched her carefully as she asked if he wanted more water. He grabbed her wrist and shouted.

"Talk so I can hear." Even as he did that, his eyes opened very wide and he had a shocked expression. He had not been able to hear himself either. He had felt the vibrations and was fairly certain he had spoken. He saw the expressions of his family and that confirmed that he had spoken for they stood stunned. He saw his father's lips moving but there was no sound at all. He looked at Jane and she also clearly spoke to him, but again there was no sound.

Reaching over to Adam's desk, Ben grabbed some paper and handed it to Jane telling her something that Adam couldn't hear. She wrote quickly and then turned the paper to Adam so that he could see that she asked him if he could hear them. He shook his head. He couldn't hear them. His world was absolutely and devastatingly silent. What he couldn't know was that his family stood there in absolute silence too for none of them knew what to say to that news.

The next day when Doctor Paul Martin returned to check on Adam, he checked his ears and anything else he could and had to report that as far as he could tell, there was nothing wrong anywhere else that could explain the deafness. Apparently the head injuries had done something that interfered with Adam's ability to hear. Doctor Martin could give them no assurances that it would ever clear up and could only say that they would have to wait.

"It could be swelling in the brain. It could be a hematoma or what we would call a blood clot. It's like a large collection of blood that sits in a spot. Either of those could clear up in time and his hearing could come back partially or completely depending on the extent of damage that may have been caused."

"Paul, is it possible that my son's hearing will never come back?"

"I hate to say that, but yes, that is entirely possible. We have no way to look inside the brain to see any damage or fix any damage even if we could see it. He had multiple blows to the head when he went down that slope and ended up with debris piled on top of him. He's lucky to be alive."

"I'm afraid my son may not feel that way."

In their bedroom, Jane had already discovered that as Adam was sinking into an angry depression and pulling away from her and everyone else. He hated being confined to bed in any circumstance, and to be hampered by the loss of hearing unable to even know when someone had entered the room, made him quite upset. Frequently he was startled by someone being there when he hadn't even realized someone was approaching. His life was changing dramatically, and he didn't feel that he was the man that he had been. He wasn't sure what kind of man he could be any more.

Chapter 4

For the next month, Adam's physical recuperation proceeded smoothly as his leg healed and he walked first with a crutch and then with a cane. However, emotionally, he was more and more affected by his loss of hearing and let that damage his relationships with his family. He slept in the same bed with Jane but turned his back to her every night. He didn't know how to explain to her that he no longer wanted to be a father feeling that he wasn't much of a man any more and felt inadequate to be a parent. He felt inadequate in every regard actually but didn't know how to back out of any other relationship. As his physical health rebounded, he wanted to get back to work, but wondered as did his family how he could work at what he had done previously if he couldn't hear. He wouldn't hear warnings yelled if he worked with cattle. He wouldn't be able to discuss horses. He couldn't even explain some simple orders with the men. The hands didn't know how to react to him either because a silent Adam who couldn't hear them was such a drastic change from the man they had known. A bit of paranoia crept into Adam's thinking as well. When he walked through the yard and saw men laughing, he began to wonder each time if they were laughing at him. All the stares and conversations that were obviously about him stopped him from going to town and eventually he wouldn't even attend church services preferring the silence of the house to the silence of a church full of people who might be staring at him, discussing him, or worst in his mind: feeling sorry for him. However he was feeling quite sorry for himself. Joe worked with Adam on his sign language and began teaching Jane some of it too, but it was a slow process both in learning it and in communicating that way especially with the type of things they needed to say to each other.

There no longer seemed to be a place for Adam on the ranch until that morning when Ben discussed at breakfast that two of the line cabins had suffered major damage in previous storms and needed repairs. It meant a stay at the cabin and a lot of tedious work which meant that Hoss and Joe put up a series of reasons why the other one should go do it. That got Adam's attention and he asked what they were discussing. Ben took a piece of paper and briefly explained what he wanted done. In his voice that was seldom used and which was losing all inflection and some enunciation, Adam declared his intentions.

"I'll go. I'll do the repairs."

At first, Ben responded verbally before he remembered that Adam couldn't hear him. Jane had already grabbed Adam's arm to turn him toward her to shake her head showing her disapproval. Ben wrote that Adam shouldn't go, and then Jane grabbed the paper and added her objections. Adam stood and slammed his fist on the table.

"I'm going!"

It was clear that there was going to be no way to dissuade him so Ben asked Joe and Hoss to decide who would go with him. Adam understood the gist of that request and simply shook his head and pointed at himself letting them know he planned to go alone just as one of them would have gone to do the job. To insist on sending someone with him would have only been a major insult at that point. Ben could see that Jane had tears in her eyes and guessed that Adam must have seen it too, but nothing like that could seem to break down the wall he had built up around himself. He left the table to go to their bedroom to pack the clothing he would need. Within a short time, he was in the stable getting horses to harness to a wagon. Reluctantly, Hoss went out to help him, and then helped him load supplies and tools into the wagon. Jane came out with sacks of food and Hoss could see that she had been crying. He left the two alone hoping that Adam would at least reach out to his wife to try to comfort her, but he doubted that he would. He didn't and Jane cried with tears rolling down her cheeks as Adam drove the wagon away to do his solitary task. Alerted by Hoss to what had happened, Ben went to her side.

"It's a difficult time for him. He needs to work out how to live like this and he's fighting that battle inside of himself."

"This is my home now, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do either. I'm not really his wife any more. He's shut me out completely."

That confirmed Ben's worst fears of what had happened in Adam's marriage. "You're family. You're in your home, and with your family. We've always taken care of each other, and we always will. Adam will work this out. I'm sure of it, but he needs more time."

"I think he needs more than time, but I wish I knew what it was that he needed. I would give him anything if I only knew what it was."

"The four of us are going to have to start working on that. Now come inside and have some tea. Hop Sing always has tea for times like this. You look a little pale, and I don't want my daughter to get sick."

Out on the wagon, Adam had tears too driven by feelings of guilt and loss. He hated treating Jane the way that he had, but he thought she was better off without him. For the past month, he had pushed her away from him and thought she should leave him and find a whole man who could be a proper husband and a proper father to the children she wanted so badly. Feeling inadequate in both regards, he wanted the best for her and thought he was far too damaged to be of any benefit to her. Apparently, he had forgotten the vows they had taken together because he had only pictured himself protecting and caring for others never imagining a world in which others would have to protect and care for him. So out of his element by being in need of help, he had no idea of how to ask others for it and how to accept it and adapt to that kind of life.

What aggravated things was that he had a nearly constant headache that got worse at times with stabbing pains that were sometimes almost debilitating. He felt lucky that those incidents had never occurred when anyone could see him clinging to a bedpost or sitting with his arms cradling his head rocking back and forth begging for relief. Thankfully those episodes were short even if they left him feeling somewhat weak and light-headed afterwards. The worst one had occurred only two days earlier when he had been chopping wood. He had been thinking that it was a job that had been more satisfying when he could hear the ax slam into the wood and hear the wood split with the power of his blow. Doing the job in utter silence was not nearly as interesting. Nothing was as interesting with silence as the backdrop. A walk or a ride without even the sound of the wind and certainly no sounds of birds made it much less appealing compared to what the experience had been before when he could hear and add all those other elements into the whole. What bothered him even more though was not being able to hear anyone or anything approaching. Often startled by that, it made him feel cowardly and less like a man. He hated it when he was exposed that way. At least up at the line cabin, no one would see him cringe like that. But that day when the severe pain hit and he dropped to his knees and rocked back and forth cradling his head in his hands waiting for the terrible pain to stop was when he decided he needed to be away from his family because he didn't ever want them to see him like that, so weak and helpless. The opportunity to go to the line shack had been a godsend to him.

It was late in the day before he reached the line cabin and dark before he unloaded the wagon and got the horses in the small corral, watered and fed with grass from the meadow. He had watched for signs all day that he had been followed but had seen none. Hoss was smarter than that though and had circled around to be able to watch from the side and now pulled back to make a cold camp before heading home in the morning where he could at least report that Adam had arrived safely and that there had been no problems. As long as he was at the line cabin, he should continue to be safe. Hoss wished he could stay to keep watch but knew that sooner or later Adam would realize he was being watched and that would be more harmful than letting him be alone. Hoss knew there had to be a better solution than letting him stay there alone for a week or two and thought long and hard on that issue that night and on the ride home the next morning. When he arrived home the next morning, he told his father he needed a few days off.

"I got something I got to go do or at least see if I can do it."

"You're not planning to find a way to watch over your brother up at the line cabin. We discussed that and I thought we agreed that we shouldn't do that."

"No, I'm not gonna do that, but if my plan works, I may be stopping by to see him at least for a little bit. Now, Pa, you gotta trust me on this. You know I wouldn't do nothing to hurt Adam." Ben nodded. "Now, how's Jane doing with all this?"

"She's very melancholy. She's not talking much more than Adam was. She has something on her mind too but isn't ready to share it with me. I wish she and Adam could find a way to talk."

"They could ifn he wanted to do it."

"You think he doesn't?"

"I think he wants her to leave him. I think he wants her to go away and prove that he isn't a man any more cause that's what he's been thinking about himself. It's why I didn't say too much against him going on up to fix up that line cabin. I think it might be good for him to do it. It'll prove to him that he can do things yet."

"I only hope nothing goes wrong."

"Ain't nothing gonna go wrong that wouldn't go wrong ifn he could hear. Nobody has to hear to fix up a line cabin."

"I suppose you're right about that. Now if you could find a way to get him to fix up his marriage, that would be good too."

"Well, I got a plan on getting him started on that. It's why I want a few days off."

"For your mysterious mission."

"Well, it may not work out. I want to see what I can do. I'll be sure to tell you all about it ifn it works. Otherwise, I'm gonna have to come up with a new plan."

Four days later, Hoss arrived at the line cabin with a dog running beside him. He dismounted and took a good look around seeing that progress had been made. There was a new ladder leaning against the side of the line cabin and the roof had a lot of new boards across it. Adam must have pulled up the boards, tar papered the whole, and replaced boards that were rotting because the whole roof lay in neat order not as a roof that had been patched. Adam walked up from the meadow with an armful of grass for the horses and scowled to see Hoss there. He scowled more when he saw the dog, but Hoss grinned and gave him a thumbs up as he pointed to the roof. Hoss walked into the line cabin and sat on a chair uninvited and the dog walked in with him and lay down in front of the fireplace where a nice fire was burning. Adam came in a short time later still scowling. Hoss pulled a short note from his pocket and handed it to him. Dropping to the chair on the opposite side of the table, Adam read. When he finished, he shook his head no, and threw the note in the fire after crumpling it up. Hoss shrugged, got up, and walked out to his horse to leave. He told the dog to stay and it did. Adam told the dog to leave and it wouldn't which made Hoss smile inside. The dog was as well trained as the man who sold him had said he was. He hoped that Adam remembered everything that was in that note because he was going to need that information in the next few days.

Furious as he watched his brother ride off, Adam turned back to the cabin where the dog still lay in front of the fireplace. He remembered the name from the note and said it. "King." The dog stood wagging it's tail and waiting for whatever Adam wanted him to do next. In disgust, Adam shook his head so King lay back down and waited for his next command. There weren't any but Adam walked out the door so King followed after a moment wondering if perhaps this new human didn't know what he was supposed to do. He followed him to the corral where he grabbed two buckets and headed to the creek, filled them, and then carried them back to the horses. Then he took another bucket from the cabin and did the same. While they were at the creek, King took a long drink enjoying the cool water after his long journey. Adam waited for him to finish and they walked back to the cabin together. King walked back into the cabin and flopped down in front of the fireplace and watched as Adam prepared dinner. He was hungry and hoped some of that food was for him. There was a whole rabbit there and when Adam put over half of it on a tin plate in front of him, he wasn't dainty about showing his appreciation for the meal. He walked over and rested his nose on Adam's thigh then as if to say thank you. Adam rubbed his head briefly and then went back to his meal. About an hour later, King moved to the door and made it clear that he wanted to go out. Adam opened the door and King bounded off into the meadow to do his business, which made Adam think it might be a good time for him to do the same. If there was anything out there, surely the dog would notice. He decided that there was at least one good reason to have the dog there with him. When King finished, he raced to Adam's side and got another pat on the head. The two walked back into the cabin, and up on the hill, Hoss smiled and settled back into his cold camp. He had some reasonably good news to bring home. It wasn't huge news, but it was a start at bringing Adam out of his melancholy state.

Chapter 5

"Hoss, are you feeling better about things now?"

"I am, Pa. I was only thinking about myself before, and that was at least part of the reason Adam got hurt. I feel better now that I got myself straightened out, and I'm thinking about how all of us can do things right. Makes me feel a whole lot better inside."

"Why do you think Adam feels that way?"

"I'd feel that way ifn I was in his shoes, and he's got a whole lot more pride than I do."

Ben felt it was time to bring up another subject that he feared had been festering too long. "Hoss, I know you think I was taking Adam's side on the firebreak issue, but I wasn't. I held back my approval for his plan because I wouldn't do it unless you agreed to it or could come up with a different idea. He agreed to that too, but he was worried that if we told you that, you would simply say no and not even consider the possibility of doing anything. He can be very proud, but we both know how stubborn you can be when you feel strongly about something."

"Yeah, I kinda figured that all out too." Looking around, Hoss wondered where Little Joe was.

"He's teaching Jane more sign language. She wants to go with Adam to the next line cabin. I've tried to talk her out of it but she's determined to go, and the more I've thought about it, the more I think she may be right to do it."

"In the note I gave to Adam about King, I told him to teach the signs to the dog. I hope he does."

Up at the line cabin, Adam was doing that and finding that King learned quickly. It was reassuring to have someone by his side who could hear and alert him to changes going on. The night before, King had awakened him and had been insistent that he get up. When Adam had looked out the window, he had seen that the horses were very agitated and in the moonlight, he saw that a cougar was stalking them. He fired off a shot through the window killing the animal and saving his horses. King had not liked the noise in the enclosed space, but Adam had not wanted to go outside to face the predator in the dark. He had been able to push the window open without the animal hearing anything apparently because the horses were making so much noise. He hadn't done anything about them or the cougar until daylight preferring the safety of the cabin until it was light. King was calm though so he guessed there were no more dangerous animals in the vicinity. He skinned the cougar in the morning and buried the carcass before he and King did a little hunting. With a big breakfast of roasted squirrel, both he and King were ready for some work that afternoon. The line cabin was almost done so the next day, Adam planned to head back home to pick up more supplies to move on up to the second line cabin that needed repairs. It seemed like an even better idea now that he had King with him. He even began thinking about trying to talk things out with Jane and find a way to make their marriage work even with him feeling that he was less than the man he ought to be for her.

However that thinking all changed late in the day. Before leaving, Adam decided that he ought to restock the firewood box in the cabin. He gathered wood and sawed it into appropriate lengths with no difficulty. However when he pulled out the ax and began chopping wood, he got one of those terrible headaches and this one was the worst he had ever had. Clasping his hands to his head as the world spun around, he fell because he couldn't tell where up was. Curled in a fetal position next to the pile of wood, he could only pray for the pain to stop until unconsciousness released him from the torment. He awoke an hour later with King standing guard by his side and doing his best to keep him warm by pressing closely against him. Shivering slightly from being on the ground for so long, Adam stood slowly and made his way into the cabin wrapping a blanket around himself and building up the fire in the fireplace until the cabin was quite warm. He sat that way for a long time with King sitting silently beside him. Finally he got the leftover food from their earlier meal and set it out for King to eat. He wasn't at all hungry. However he was thinking and the thoughts were quite dark. What he worried about was what if that happened if he was climbing a ladder or riding a horse. He knew there was so much he couldn't do because he had that worry. It wasn't only the deafness that handicapped him, but he didn't want to tell anyone about the debilitating headaches and have them think him feebleminded as well. It was as if King sensed his melancholy state for he came over and rested his head on Adam's thigh.

"Thank you, King. You don't judge, do you. I can't do anything wrong in your eyes. I wish there was some way for me to be that way with everyone else, but there isn't. I'm damaged goods."

The next morning, Adam got a late start for home. He was reluctant to try chopping firewood, but there was no repeat of the previous day's headache and the firewood box was restocked, the cabin was neat and orderly, and all the repairs were completed. After loading the wagon and climbing into the seat, Adam signed for King to join him. King jumped up on the back of the wagon and then climbed up on the seat next to Adam for the ride home looking much like his name, king of his domain. Adam smiled at the way he sat on the seat as if he was being driven to his castle. It was the first time he could remember smiling in about two months. As he approached the ranch house, he saw Jane and began to smile again until he remembered what he had decided to do. He adopted the cool demeanor he intended to use and kept it when he arrived even though he could see how disappointed she was in that reception. Jane did a good job covering it up though he could see that her eyes were glistening and that almost broke his resolve. Jane signed some things to him especially that they should talk later. Impressed by her progress in signing, Adam agreed but later wished he hadn't knowing that she probably wanted more from him than he wanted to give. He was absolutely correct in that assessment.

Once dinner was over and they were in their bedroom, Jane told him she wanted to go with him to the line cabin when he did the repairs. He said she couldn't. She said it was her place because she was his wife and had every right and duty to be there. He said it wasn't a proper and safe place for her. That argument went back and forth silently for probably most of an hour before they settled into bed with the issue unresolved. In the morning, Jane packed her bag and stood defiantly testing whether Adam would physically try to stop her from accompanying him on the trip. At breakfast, Adam tried to enlist his father and brothers on his side but none of them was willing to take a side signing simply to him that is was between him and Jane. Frustrated, he stalked out of the house with his bemused family sitting at the table watching as Jane flashed them a somewhat victorious grin.

"Good luck, dear. I hope this plan of yours works."

"Papa, I hope so too. Joe has taught me all he can with signing, and Hoss has been coaching me as much as he can about Adam and his thinking and his moods. We've discussed as many possibilities as we could. Now it's up to me. Wish us luck."

With that, Jane grabbed her bag and followed Adam out the door. Hoss frowned a little at that closing line. "What do you suppose she meant by that. Did that 'us' mean her and Adam, or did she mean something else?"

Joe speared some bacon with Hoss distracted by Jane's statement. "What else could she mean? Of course she meant her and Adam."

However Ben was intrigued too once Hoss got him thinking about it. "She has been a bit pale lately, and she skipped breakfast again asking Hop Sing for biscuits and tea. You don't suppose?"

"Maybe, Pa. Maybe."

"She did buy a couple of new dresses in town when we were there. Those new wrap dresses she's been wearing."

"That would fit the idea."

"What? You two think maybe she is?"

"Could be. And ifn she is, older brother don't stand a chance against her. Nothing can stop a mama bear when she wants what she wants for her young'un."

On the wagon, King settled in happily sitting beside Jane and accepting her arm around him. He hadn't been too sure of her at first because of the way Adam had reacted to her, but she had welcomed him into their home and then into their bedroom making a nice blanket bed for him next to their bed and frequently patting his head and talking to him. He liked that, and she signed to him as well using the same signs as Adam. When Adam helped her up onto the wagon seat, it was all King needed to know. She was important to Adam so she was also important to him. They were three now instead of two as far as he was concerned.

As Adam drove the wagon, he had many mixed feelings. On one hand, he was proud that Jane would be so loyal and strong that she would insist on coming with him and wouldn't back down. It only reinforced the idea that he had made a great choice in a wife. However, he still felt that he was no longer suitable as a husband, and he knew too that she wanted children so much and he felt inadequate to be a father. He guessed that she wanted to be with him to try to pull him back into an intimate relationship and back into their marriage, which was disintegrating. He was going to have to be resolute to make sure that didn't happen. He signed to her only those things that needed to be communicated such as when the horses needed to be watered and rested and later when they stopped for a lunch break. Then he let her know later that they would be staying at the first line shack that was already repaired because the second one was further away and would take nearly another day to reach by wagon. Jane didn't mind because at least it meant that for one more night, living conditions would be reasonably comfortable. Ben and Hoss had warned her that once they reached the second line cabin, she might find herself sleeping in the bed of the wagon for a night or two while the roof was being repaired. She had told herself that she was ready for the sacrifice, but she certainly wasn't looking forward to it.

Once they reached the line cabin, Adam was very businesslike in his approach getting water and grass for the horses and then water for the cabin. He brought in the extra bedroll and a blanket for King and dropped them on the floor by the fireplace. Jane unpacked food that Hop Sing had sent along for them and set it on the table lighting the lantern that was there. She had already lit a fire in the fireplace to take the slight chill out of the air in the cabin. Staring at the fire briefly, Adam remembered how he had collapsed when cutting that wood and hoped nothing like it would happen on this trip with Jane. He pulled out a chair, sat at the table, and ate his meal without looking at Jane because he was doing his best to try to remain as platonic as possible but her nearness to him all day was making that more and more difficult. The night before he had lain with his back to her and even that had been difficult because he could still feel her warmth and feel her body moving with her breathing. He had not slept well with her so close and yet out of reach by his own decision. Now she was again only a few feet away and as desirable as ever. By the time the meal was over and cleared away, necessities were completed, and the horses were secured for the night, it was time to go to bed. The bed was small but could accommodate two. Jane assumed that they would sleep there but Adam began laying out a bedroll by the fireplace so she pulled a blanket from the bed and went to lie down beside him there. He angrily pointed at the bed and signed that she should sleep there. She just as angrily signed back that as his wife, she had a legal and moral right to sleep wherever he slept. They stood there toe-to-toe as they had the night before, but this time the argument was over much quicker because Adam knew she wouldn't back down. Angrily he picked up his blanket and hers and stalked to the bed throwing down one and laying on it pulling the other on top of him. He motioned to her to get in beside him. She did and rolled on her side to fit in next to him spoon fashion. King lay down on his blanket next to the fireplace and relaxed in the warmth of the fire.

As they lay in bed, Jane didn't think Adam would be able to resist her being so close. He had an arm around her simply because that was the most comfortable way to rest, but it put him in close proximity to her body from his nose to his knees. He inhaled her scent and felt her pressed up against him. It had been almost two months since that had happened. She was correct in that he was unable to resist for his body betrayed him and began reacting to her presence. Doing nothing, Jane waited to see what Adam would do. He groaned and pulled her closer to him so she turned in his arms to face him. That was all it took. He kissed her passionately unable to deny his feelings any longer no matter what his thoughts were about his disability or his feelings of inadequacy because of it. Their lovemaking was awkward and rushed but proved to both that their love had survived the crisis. At one point, afraid that he might cause Jane to be with child, Adam had tried to pull away, but Jane held him close. When they were holding each other later, she pulled back a little and spelled out baby on his chest one letter at a time and then took his hand and placed it on her lower abdomen where he could already feel a slight swelling. With the waning light from the fireplace, Jane could see the surprise. She nodded wondering if he was happy about the news. She smiled hoping to see an answering smile and got a small smile in return and then a slowly blossoming big grin, dimples and all. She wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him into another big kiss. They didn't get to sleep for quite a while. Many times Jane felt Adam's hand on her lower abdomen caressing that slight bump as if he was in wonder and amazement that they had a baby growing there.

Chapter 6

The next morning, Adam awakened with Jane asleep on his shoulder and his arm was numb, which wasn't the only reason he needed to move. King needed to go outside and so did Adam. As carefully as he could, he tried to extricate himself from the bed without waking her, but she awoke and smiled at him. He frowned, but she understood and moved to let him out of the bed handing him his shirt as he pulled on his pants, found his socks, and put on his boots. Sliding his shirt on but not buttoning it, he quickly opened the door and headed out with King as Jane dressed too wondering where she could go do the same. By the time she was dressed and outside, Adam was back with King and showed her where she could go to safely take care of her necessary business and then he signed to King to stay with her as he went to check on the horses. Adam was very businesslike, and that made Jane worry that the previous night's activities might not have made as much an impression on him as she had believed. However when she got inside, she found him busy writing and realized he was writing the words of a hymn that he could no longer sing to her but he wanted her to know that he wanted her to hear the words. He skipped over a few of the verses and stuck to the ones that could have the double meaning that he wanted to convey.

Come and rejoice with me!

For once my heart was poor,

And I have found a treasury

Of love, a boundless store.

Come and rejoice with me!

I, once so sick at heart,

Have met with One who knows my case,

And knows the healing art.

Come and rejoice with me!

For I was wearied sore,

And I have found a mighty arm

Which holds me evermore.

Come and rejoice with me!

For I have found a Friend

Who knows my heart's most secret depths,

Yet loves me without end.

As she read the lines, she smiled and then wrote the words that came to her as she read. It was from Romans 12:15. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Both of them had a talent for remembering verses verbatim and reciting to each other. In this case, it opened the conversation into more serious topics. They began a correspondence on paper that continued for some time. Jane had brought quite a lot of paper along expecting that at some point signing would be inadequate for what they needed to communicate. She had had no idea that it would happen so soon.

It took some time, but Adam admitted to her how he had been feeling about being inadequate because of his disability. She pointed at the line cabin as proof of how much he could still do and wrote about how he always found a way through adversity. She reminded him too that they would have his family there for support and wouldn't be alone. What he couldn't bring himself to tell her was that he was having those terrible headaches. They were getting along so well and things were looking so bright that he couldn't bear to see worry and fear replace the hope and confidence that she now had. He kept his worry from showing but had to be concerned about how she would react the first time one of those headaches hit and could only hope it wouldn't be as awful as the last couple had been.

As Adam worried about that, Ben and his brothers had two other worries. One was that they had to meet that timber contract he had signed for them. That meant that Joe was busy and unable to help at the ranch as he had taken responsibility for the contract. In order to make sure that they beat the penalty clause, Joe had taken some of the hands to help. They weren't loggers but they could handle teams and help haul the logs out. Shorthanded on the ranch with Joe and some of the men gone, Ben and Hoss were facing another problem in that it seemed rustlers were taking advantage of their manpower shortage and were siphoning off cattle at an alarming rate especially from the area where Adam and Jane were headed to repair the line cabin. That news had arrived shortly after Adam and Jane had departed the day before and Ben wondered if they should go tell Adam to return home until the rustlers were apprehended.

"Pa, ifn he does like he did at the first cabin, he'll stick pretty close to the place doing what needs to be done. With no hearing, he doesn't like to go too far off where he can't know what's going on."

"And there's no reason for the rustlers to approach the line cabin because it would only expose them because by now they probably know we'll be looking for them."

"Yup, that's about how I figure it too. That cabin sits a ways away from the pasture up in that grove of trees so even if they was to come after the cattle there, they won't be that close to the cabin that Adam would see 'em."

"He only has the team with him too so he can't ride after them even if he wanted to do that." Pausing for a moment, Ben decided to broach a subject with Hoss that had been bothering his thoughts for a while. "Hoss, Adam hasn't made any attempt to ride at all since he was hurt. I would have thought that at some point he would have taken Sport out for a ride, but he hasn't even gone in the stable to see him. He lets others take care of him as if he doesn't even want to see him. Do you have any idea why he doesn't want to ride?"

"I been thinkin' on that too. It seems a mite odd to me too. I've been wondering if there's something more wrong that Adam ain't told us. Maybe there's something that hurts that he ain't talkin' about."

"I thought that too for a while so I watched him when he walked even going up and down the stairs and he seemed to move well. He loaded the wagon with ease and helped Jane up into the seat with no apparent difficulty."

"So it has to be something else." Hoss paused as he thought about what was needed for riding that wasn't needed for driving a wagon. "Maybe his balance is off or something like that?"

"I'm afraid it's probably the something like that and he's not telling us because he sees it as a weakness. He's so damn proud. I found out today in town that he was so ill in San Francisco that he had to hire one of our lawyers to help him draft the contract bid. He paid him out of his personal account. The receipt was in the papers I got from their office. I probably shouldn't have looked but I thought I should check in case it was something that needed his attention."

"He always wants to do the right thing no matter what it costs him."

"I know. I wish I knew why he was like that." As Hoss looked at his father with a sideways look and his eyebrows up a little, Ben had to shrug and admit. "All right. I know it was because I always expected so much from him when he was younger, but I haven't been that way with him in years. I've told him over and over to take time for himself and that he doesn't have to drive himself so hard."

"You know that a colt learns from the stallion and that those lessons can't be unlearned. Takes a lot to change those habits."

Smiling gently, Ben couldn't disagree. After a moment, he had to wonder though how much influence on Adam Jane might have. "Maybe Jane can mellow him out especially if she has the news for him that we suspect."

"He's got an awful lot on his plate right now. Hard to say how he's gonna swallow that news."

All Ben could do was nod in agreement with that too. Then he and Hoss went out to talk with the men about a plan to try to find where the rustlers were and how they might be apprehended. Riders were sent to neighboring ranches to see if they were having a similar problem or if it was unique to the Ponderosa. That would tell them how many men were likely to be involved.

While Ben and Hoss were discussing the rustlers with the men, the four rustlers were sitting on a hillside watching Adam and Jane unload the wagon at the line cabin.

"Now there's the Cartwright who was hurt. That must be his wife. I wonder what they're doing up here."

"With what they're unloading, it looks like he means to repair that cabin."

"Just to repair it or to stay there a while?"

"Can't tell by watching them."

"Kinda surprised he woulda brought his woman with him to do a job like that."

"Maybe he needs her with him. I heard he couldn't do much for himself any more."

"He don't look that bad off."

"Maybe not, but looks can fool ya."

One of them by the name of Boston abruptly changed the subject. "By now, the others must have realized we've taken quite a few cattle. We can't take many more without getting caught. The mining camp folks are probably gonna snitch on us too figuring on a reward from the Cartwrights that'll be better than cheap beef we can sell to them."

That got the attention of the other three. One had to ask. "Boston, you sound like maybe you got something else in mind."

"I'm thinking we lay low a few days so if they come looking for rustlers, they find nothing. Then we take those two down there and hold 'em for ransom. One big payday and then we light on outta here and put as many miles between as and them as we can before they can give chase."

"We can't hurt 'em though. From what I've heard, those Cartwrights would track us down no matter where we went if we hurt 'em."

"He's got a dog down there with him too. That could make it hard to get close to him without him knowing."

"Look, we got a couple of days to rest up, plan it all, and work out those details. We got food and water. We got enough money even if this doesn't work out. Let's just see what we can do. If you all don't like the idea, in a couple of days, we can head out somewhere else to try our luck there. Fair enough?" They all agreed, and Boston leaned back and smiled. He already had a plan starting to formulate in his mind about how this idea of his could work. He even thought he might manage to find a way to have the money all to himself and leave these three others behind to face the consequences. He needed to get some smarter partners anyway. He smiled a nasty smile and the others thought he was thinking of a truly wicked plan. They were pleased not knowing they were probably on the wrong end of that plan.

Down by the cabin, King kept turning to the hill to the east and sniffing the air. Adam noticed as did Jane who asked him what she thought he was doing. Adam sat on the back of the wagon and took the time to sign to her very patiently. "He probably has caught the scent of a predator. It's a long way off or he would be making more of an issue of it. He alerted me when a cougar was threatening the horses when I was here. He'll let us know if anything dangerous gets close."

Jane's signing was better than it had been, but Adam still had to fill in parts when she signed but he understood her when she signed to him. "He must have a great sense of smell."

They signed back and forth. "He does. When we hunt for rabbits or other small game, he alerts me when we're getting close, and when I'm ready, he flushes it out. It's great working with him."

"You love that dog."

Putting his head down and rubbing the back of his neck, Adam didn't want to admit it, but he did. Jane wrapped an arm around Adam and kissed his cheek. He nodded and pulled her into an embrace and then kissed her more thoroughly holding her close until she pushed back and pointed at the cabin. They needed to get everything inside before it was dark. He agreed and they got back to work. From the evidence inside, the roof did leak, but with no threat of rain, they weren't worried about that. They had a new mattress for the bed and new bedding. They had all fresh food supplies as well. Jane set about cleaning up the pots, pans, utensils, and the table and chairs as Adam took care of the horses and went to get firewood with King at his side. There was still some firewood in the box so Jane started a fire, but when Adam didn't return after more than an hour, she went outside to find him. What she found horrified her. Adam lay on the ground curled up in a fetal position with his hands pressed to his head obviously in agony. King was pressed against him trying to protect him and keep him warm. The axe lay on the ground next to him, but he had no injury that she could see. She ran inside and got a blanket to wrap around him and did her best to roll him onto it and then wrap the other part over him as he shivered in the rapidly cooling mountain air.

"King, stay."

That command was unnecessary but Jane wanted to be sure. She gathered up as much wood as she could carry and took it inside the cabin. She made several more trips until she had as much of the wood inside as they could use. Adam still wasn't responding so she decided that the only thing to do was to try to drag him on the blanket. It was very difficult work but luckily there was no step up into this cabin as there was at the other one. As King realized what she was doing, he grabbed some of the blanket in his mouth and pulled too. Between the two of them, they eventually pulled Adam into the cabin enough that they could close the door. It was nearly dark by then and the fire in the fireplace was nearly out. Jane moved there to build the fire up for light and for the warmth. She got another blanket and covered Adam with that even as he seemed to be sleeping more now rather than in great pain. She sat on the floor by his side and waited for him to wake. King lay down by both of them.

Chapter 7

When Adam awoke, he had a mix of emotions. Embarrassed, he was worried too about how Jane would react and worried too about how she would feel about his withholding information about the headaches and these attacks from her. He knew he should have told her and would have to admit it, but he was too weak to go through all of that until he rested more. Luckily she expected nothing more than that and helped him to the bed pulling his boots from him and tucking a blanket around him. He was asleep before she lay beside him worried so much that she didn't fall asleep for hours wondering if he would be all right. King slept beside the bed that night giving her some reassurance that things would be all right. In the morning, Adam awakened first and lay there knowing he had to explain it all and composing in his mind all that he had to write for he knew this was well beyond their ability to sign. As soon as he felt Jane stir, he moved to get out of bed making her almost instantly alert. He signed that he was fine, pulled on his boots, and took King outside with him. She followed a short time later still with that worried look. He signed that he would explain and went back inside pulling out paper and pencil and beginning to write.

In the cabin, Jane stood over Adam's shoulder and read as he wrote. It wasn't the most comfortable way for him to do it, but he understood it was only fair. He could have told her his thoughts but he couldn't hear what he was saying and never knew if he was saying what he meant to convey. It was easier to sign the simple stuff and write out the more complex. That way he was sure that he was communicating exactly what he wanted to say. He began by explaining that he had been suffering from a nearly constant headache ever since the accident, but that the debilitating attacks had started later and had gradually been getting worse with the last two causing him to lose consciousness. She put her hand over his then and signed a question asking him about that two and he had to admit that he had had another incident in which he had lost consciousness. She was clearly angry with him for not telling her that. He had no good reason for it and could only apologize. She stood up and turned away from him because she was so upset and needed to vent. She screamed out "Jackass!" and paused to let her emotions calm down before she could return to the table, but she felt Adam's hands on her shoulders. He turned her to face him, and she was amazed at his expression. It was a strange combination of amusement, wonder, and hope. He shocked her by asking a question in that strange inflectionless voice he had developed since he had lost his hearing. She wasn't at all used to hearing him speak since his accident, and he had the oddest look.

"Did you just call me a jackass?"

She nodded but wondered how he could know, but then she got the same look he had. "Did you hear me?" He more or less read her lips and nodded.

"Say something else." He turned her away from him again.

"I love you."

Adam didn't respond so Jane yelled it out loudly as she had when she called him a jackass. He spun her around and kissed her soundly.

"I love you too."

"You can hear!"

"Some. I can hear some. I sounds like you're a long way away, but I could hear it."

"Maybe these headaches are a sign that things are changing or getting better."

Adam raised his hands. He hadn't understood all that she had said but had gotten the gist of it. He didn't know if things were going to get any better, but he had some hearing. It was more than he had so it was an improvement and a reason to hope. He was starting to look at what he had now instead of what he had lost so he was taking those long steps out of melancholy and feeling sorry for himself. No longer was he going to be looking at what he couldn't do. He needed to start looking at what he could do. He returned to the table to write again, and it was all in that more positive vein. When Jane read those parts, tears came to her eyes. He wanted them to start making plans for a future together whether he got any more hearing back or not by having them discuss possibilities for what he could do if he couldn't be an active participant on the ranch.

"We can talk about it, but I think perhaps your whole family would like to be part of this discussion too. Just like these line cabins, there's probably a lot you can do even if you don't get all your hearing back. Even if you do, perhaps there are things you can do that you aren't doing now. You're going to be a father, and that means that we aren't going to be so willing to see you gone for those long trips any more."

"Or go with me."

It was Jane's turn to do some writing. "Yes, or we go with you. Yes, things need to change. Just like they did with King. I don't know how much you could know because you couldn't hear, but your father was adamantly against King living in the house. You insisted though, and I said he was your dog and therefore you were the one who needed to make the decision as to where he lived. Hoss backed us up on that, and when Joe got back, he agreed. Your father wasn't happy with any of us on that score, but King was a perfect gentleman so all went well. There may have to be other changes too now that we have a child on the way, and everyone is going to have to adjust to those changes."

Pulling back the the paper again, Adam wrote out some questions about Jane's father and pushed it back to her to see what she thought.

"Yes, I do think he could be a problem again especially if our child is a boy. He agreed to get out of our life, but a male heir could entice him to interfere again. We'll simply have to be on guard about that. Mostly I like to believe he won't interfere especially until our son is older, but I've come to know that my father should not be underestimated. But we have the whole family to help us. We Cartwrights are a formidable bunch when we work together."

The meaning of that wasn't lost on Adam. He nodded and wrote again probably opening up more than he ever had to anyone. "I didn't feel like I was me any more when I lost my hearing. So much of who I was seemed to be gone. I couldn't hear my own voice. I couldn't sing. I couldn't talk. Expressing myself was so important to me and I thought I had lost that. I thought I wasn't much of a man any more. I may have to be a different kind of man, and I have to show some courage that doesn't involve my ability to fight another man. This struggle is something like I have never fought before and I have never had to ask for help and depend on others like I have to do now. I'm learning to accept it, but it's very difficult for me. It doesn't seem natural."

Reaching out, Jane took his hand and they sat silently for a moment until King got their attention. It was clear that he was hungry. Adam grinned and went to get his shotgun. He motioned to King and signed to Jane that they would be back with breakfast soon. She said she would get grass and water for the horses and put on a pot of coffee. An hour later, Jane had a rabbit roasting as Adam got materials out to start tearing apart the roof in preparation for repairing it. After a hearty midmorning breakfast, Jane covered up everything inside as Adam began to rip away the top layer of boards on the roof. He set a new ridgeline and spread tarpaper over the bottom layer of boards making sure they were sound. Then he weighted down the tarpaper before it was time to quit for the day. Jane's job had been to sort through the boards he had thrown down keeping a stack of those that were still good, some that could be trimmed into useable pieces, and others that were only good for the fireplace. They had brought quite a stack of boards in the wagon but needed to salvage as much as possible so that they wouldn't have to make another trip to the ranch for more boards.

The following day, Jane learned how to use a saw wearing gloves borrowed from Adam. She wasn't too sure of herself but did feel very proud when Adam gave her a thumbs up when he took boards from her to work on the roof. By midday, they had half the roof done, and by the end of the day, it was nearly completed. If it wasn't so late, they would have been able to finish. Adam told her that they could do the finishing touches the next day and then head home. She was very glad of that because she did want a bath and there was no opportunity for one at the cabin. Washing from a bucket was not very appealing after one day, and after several, it left quite a lot to be desired especially after all the hard work they were doing. She had a lot more sympathy for those women who lived on farms and small ranches and didn't have the luxuries that the Ponderosa provided.

However the rustlers had been watching and waiting too. There had been no signs of any riders from the Ponderosa out looking for them for the past day. It seemed that perhaps they had decided that the rustlers had given up and moved on. Boston decided it was time to move on with their new plan because it did look like Adam was getting ready to leave packing some of the tools into the wagon at the end of the day.

"Now I figure with that dog, it's gonna be hard to approach that cabin and get them by surprise, but ifn they was to drive out with the wagon in the morning, we could catch 'em in the open and that would be surprise enough. We send her and the dog back to the cabin on foot and take him and the horses with us. She ain't hurt then, and we got him to hold for ransom. What do you think?"

The men agreed so they began planning the rest of the kidnapping with who would do what, where, and when. By that evening, they had everything worked out and only waited for the morning and the anticipated movement of Adam and his wife on the wagon out through the trees and into their trap. It worked almost as well as they hoped except King was nervous. With those men on the move, he picked up some scents on the air occasionally that put him on edge when Adam and Jane were finishing up work on the roof and packing the last of the items in the wagon. When Adam signed to Jane that he thought there was a predator in the area and she ought to ride in the back of the wagon while he rode up front with a loaded rifle and shotgun, she agreed only when he said he needed that so that he would have an unrestricted field of fire especially until they cleared the trees. He signed that King would ride with her and that she was to make sure that he kept his head down and didn't try to go off and protect them. As Adam drove away from the cabin, two riders broke from the trees to give chase so he drove as fast as he could away from them. It was a wild ride for about a half-mile until two more riders came directly at them from the front and rode alongside his team pulling the horses to a halt. Adam was ordered to get down from the wagon. He began to climb down slowly and one of the men dismounted and walked over grabbing him by his coat and jerking him so hard he fell to the ground. There he immediately grabbed his head and moaned loudly as he curled up apparently in severe pain. Boston rode up at that point with the other man.

"You weren't supposed to shoot him or hurt him."

"I didn't do nothing 'cept pull him from the wagon. He up and fell down all on his own."

Not knowing whether it was an actual attack or if Adam was pretending, Jane still wanted to go to him. King wanted to attack the men who had hurt Adam. She told King to stay and climbed down from the wagon to go to Adam. "He gets terrible headaches like this and can't do anything."

Boston was disgusted. "Great, just great! We get to kidnap one of the Cartwrights and we get a feebleminded one. Damn!" He thought for a while longer as the other men stood by wondering what they could do next. "Take his hat and his gunbelt. Then unhitch those horses. We're taking those horses with us."

"You can't strand us here like this!" Jane was incensed that they would do what they were planning to do.

"You should be happy we're not going to hurt any of you. You can make it back to your cabin or stay right here. Eventually they'll likely come looking for you. Meanwhile we aim to get some money for him. Now, we'll be on our way. We have a note to deliver."

Not being quite as smart as Boston, the others had to ask what he planned.

"We'll deliver his hat and gunbelt and say we got him. We'll say his wife and dog are safe at the line cabin, and we'll release him there when they deliver the money to us. By the time they get up here to see that we never had him, we'll have the money and be long gone." The men nodded in appreciation and did as they were told.

Sitting by Adam's side, Jane could only fume at them and worry about Adam for the next half hour until he awoke. Then with King's help, she was able to get a still groggy Adam to walk the long walk back to the line cabin. At least there was some food there and the cabin was safe and secure. She had to pray that the family came looking for them soon. Once Adam was resting in the cabin, she took King for the long walk back to the wagon to get their bags and the rifle and shotgun berating herself for not remembering the weapons when they walked back the first time. She was back at the cabin before Adam awakened. When he did, she told him she wanted to make another trip to the wagon to get the basket of food that was there, but Adam said there wasn't much there and that predators might have already been attracted by the scent so it wasn't worth the risk. They had basic food in the cabin and with the shotgun, he could hunt for small game. He too expected that the family would be looking for them soon enough.

Chapter 8

Early the next day, Boston sent two of his men with the note and Adam's gunbelt and hat to the Ponderosa ranchhouse. They knocked on the door and dropped the items there before returning to their horses to ride away before they could be seen clearly. Sitting at the breakfast table, Ben and his sons heard the knock and the thump of the gunbelt hitting the porch floor. Going to investigate, they were shocked at what they found. It said Adam was being held and they were being watched and any attempt to go rescue Jane and King before delivering the ransom would mean harm would come to Adam. They wanted five thousand dollars delivered to a spot northeast of the Ponderosa and left there by the end of the day. It was a difficult proposition but one they could manage if they chose to do so.

"All right, we've been through this before. I'll write a note to the bank president to deliver to Roy after I leave the bank. You two alert the men that we have kidnappers on the property. By now, they know what to do too. Hoss, can you get men up to that line cabin without being seen?"

"You bet I can, Pa. Nobody knows that part of the Ponderosa better than me. I'll make sure that Jane and King are safe. You and Joe take care of the kidnappers and make sure Adam gets back safe too."

Boston had positioned two men to watch the Ponderosa to see what they were doing. He had one man watching to see if they sent any men to the line cabin. He waited near the drop off point for the ransom to see if they sent anyone there. Their plan was to meet at another designated spot after the ransom was delivered. He never planned to make that rendezvous. He guessed that the Cartwrights would be looking for men on the Ponderosa and hoped they would find those three. If he got the ransom, he planned to ride away as fast as he could. If it looked too dangerous, he planned to ride away with the profits they had from the rustling. Either way, he had plenty of money, and he counted on the Cartwrights getting rid of the others so he wouldn't have to share. It was one of the best plans he had ever concocted or so he thought.

When men began leaving that morning, two men couldn't possibly keep track of where everyone was going. With the large number of men working on the ranch, teams of men headed out in multiple directions. None headed toward the line cabin but there was no way of knowing if one group would decide to go that way. The two men watching decided that they would have to backtrack to the line cabin and keep watch there. They met up with the third man and two headed up toward the line cabin to see that Adam and his wife stayed put while the third went to alert Boston that there was mass confusion as to what was happening on the Ponderosa. It was about what Hoss had expected and they had men following the men as they went on their way even as Hoss and a few other men were riding hard by a roundabout route to get to the line cabin unseen by anyone.

All along ridgelines, Joe had positioned men who unobtrusively left work groups and took their assigned spots to watch for any riders. They had food and water with them so that they could stay concealed for a long time. Unexpectedly though thunderstorms rolled into the area by early afternoon foiling everyone's plans. Hoss and the couple of men with him made a miserable camp because even with a day of hard riding, they didn't make it to the cabin and they halted when the going became too treacherous. They didn't know that the two rustlers and would be kidnappers had gotten ahead of them by going by a more direct route but had the same difficulty and were camped not much more than a mile away from them. The men following the two had lost them in the storm and stopped not willing to overrun them because they thought they were holding Adam somewhere and didn't want to do anything to risk his life. They returned to the Ponderosa to get instruction of what to do next. The same thing happened to the men watching for the other two rustlers and would be kidnappers. They never saw them and with the storm, they too returned to the Ponderosa.

Boston had been irritated when he had been met by one of his men only to be told that his plan wasn't working. When he found that the other two were headed up to the line cabin, he decided to try for the money anyway but the storm ended that option. He and the other man discussed it and they decided to head for the line cabin too. Their new plan was that they would make one more effort to actually take Adam and hold him for ransom turning him over physically for the money. Boston was even more irritated to be caught out in the miserable weather and decided that Adam Cartwright might have to pay for that and certainly the ransom demand was going to have to be higher. After all, he now had to consider splitting it with three other men because there was no way to get rid of the other three with this plan.

At the line cabin, Adam and Jane slept comfortably with a nice fire in the fireplace and a nice dry cabin now that the roof was sound. They had agreed on some basic safety procedures too. All three of them went everywhere together. They had no idea if the would be kidnappers would return and even though Adam has some hearing, he pointed out that it wasn't much yet. He might not hear Jane if she called for help. She carried the shotgun and he carried the rifle no matter where they were and both were always loaded and ready to use. That worked to their advantage the next day when they were out hunting for lunch when the four men rode up to the cabin thinking that they would be helpless against them. They were far enough away that they could quickly conceal themselves. When the men found the cabin empty, they came outside. Boston stepped out and yelled to them.

"You may as well come on in. Your food and clothes are here. The fireplace is here. We won't hurt ya none. All we want is some money and when his family pays up, we'll be on our way. You stay out there, you'll be mighty cold later and awful hungry, I expect." Boston waited a short time. When they did not appear, he repeated the message and then again sounding angrier each time. Once more his plan had been thwarted and he didn't like that at all. He was on his third plan and didn't have a fourth one.

Jane pulled Adam's arm to get his attention. "What are we going to do?"

"We're armed. We have our coats and King. We have rabbits to eat. We can hike down the mountain and find a place to camp. We'll make a fire."

"What if it rains again?"

"We'll make a lean-to."

Very carefully then, Adam guided Jane away from the cabin and down the mountain through the trees. He doubted that the men in the cabin were going to do any kind of searching. They didn't seem the type to have that kind of diligence or initiative. Once they were far enough away, they began to walk without worry and put a lot of distance between them and the cabin. Jane tried not to think about the dangers all around them but found that difficult. Eventually they found a small stream and walked along it until Adam found a suitable sheltered location. It even had a rock overhang that would help them stay warmer that night if they were still there.

"What do you mean if we're still here?"

"We still might see help coming."

Having forgotten that they were overdue and that those four men had said they were going to tell the family that they had kidnapped Adam, Jane realized that by now the family must be out looking for them. Adam was so calm that it helped her be calm. He set to skinning the rabbits and burying the skins and such before building a fire to roast the rabbits. King lapped noisily at the stream and then came back to stare at the rabbits roasting over the fire. Less than a half hour later, King suddenly stood and pointed as if he was hunting. Jane got worried again but Adam pointed at the dog's tail wagging slightly.

"Probably Hoss. He can smell food miles away."

Just to be safe, Adam picked up the rifle and had Jane take cover with the shotgun. It wasn't necessary. Hoss yelled out a moment later and Jane answered that he should come into the camp.

"Dadburnit, we come to rescue you, but you done rescued me. I was near fit to die of starvation and here you are roasting up rabbits. Me and the boys ain't had a decent meal since yesterday morning. We come lookin' for you."

"We have to share with King too."

Shrugging, Hoss watered his horse as did the other two men, and then they sat and rested and got the story about the kidnappers from Jane as Adam tended to the rabbits.

"So they're in our line cabin? Dagnabit, how we gonna get them out of there? We only got the four of us and there's four of them."

Grinning, Adam told them the rabbits were ready and all including King stepped forward to get some. Hoss knew it wasn't the rabbits that made Adam grin so he asked him what he was thinking.

"I think we should steal their horses."

Frowning first, Hoss began to laugh as did the other two men. "You're right, older brother. We could easy pin them down in that cabin so they couldn't do nothing about it and one man could take those horses and lead them on outta there. Without horses, they can't go nowhere so we leave two men here to keep them pinned down, and we go get some help. That's a great plan." Adam nodded making Hoss smile. Hoss ate some of his rabbit and then froze. "Wait a minute, how did you know what I said?"

Jane answered for him. "He can hear a little. It's enough that he reads lips a little and can follow most conversations pretty well now."

"Hot damn! You can hear!"

"A little. I heard that. There's a lot I can't hear."

"That's all right. I been prayin' that your hearing would come back and now some of it has. Maybe more will come back."

"Adam and I plan to go see Doctor Martin when we get back to see what he thinks."

"That's a great idea."

The other news Adam and Jane decided to keep to themselves for the time being. They would share it with the family when they got back but didn't want everyone to know yet. Once they had finished eating and the horses were rested, they headed back to the line cabin with Adam and Jane riding double on one of the horses and the two hands doing the same on another. They halted far enough away to plan out their strategy. Adam was selected as the one to get the horses because as Hoss told Jane he was the best at moving like a cat and they wouldn't see him or hear him. He and the other two would lay down covering fire to make sure the four men stayed in the cabin. It worked like a charm. An hour later, they had four more horses. The two hands with Hoss took up positions to keep the men pinned down inside as Adam and Jane headed back home with King and the extra horses. They did search the saddlebags to see if there was any food there. They found some and the money the men had gotten from rustling the Ponderosa cattle. They found the running irons they used too.

"Well, Pa'll be happy to get the money at least. We stopped the rustlers too."

When Adam and Jane were only a short distance away from the line cabin, they met up with Ben and Joe and a number of hands who were coming to find them and Hoss. They told them the whole story and Adam handed over the money to his father.

"This will help. We still have that contract to complete and that loan to pay off, but you're safe and the rustlers are as good as caught. Joe, why don't you ride back with Adam and Jane. Maybe you and Adam can talk about the timber contract and come up with some ideas on how to get that done before the penalty clause kicks in."

"Pa, there's more good news. Jane, why don't you tell him and Joe about Adam's hearing."

So Jane launched into that explanation once more and soon Ben and Joe were grinning as much as Hoss had earlier and expressed very similar sentiments. Adam asked if they had found the horses for the wagon, and said when the got the men from the cabin they needed to get them to tell them where they had taken those horses so they could get the wagon back home. Then he and Jane began the ride home with Joe and King bounding along beside them. They told the others they would stop at the next line cabin and be home the next day. Ben assured them that all of them would be home the next day.

Chapter 9

As Adam, Jane, and Joe rode, there was little conversation because it was too difficult for Adam to hear or converse in any format under those conditions. That night at the line shack though, they used all formats as Joe and Adam had a long discussion about what was happening at the timber camps. Lacking experience with mapping timber to be cut and with setting goals, Joe had fallen behind on benchmarks for meeting contract goals. As Adam listened, he had some ideas of how those lost days could be made up.

"Adam, you're the one who should be running those timber camps for a contract like this."

"But I can't. The boss of the woods has to be able to hear and not just a little."

Nodding but frowning, Joe agreed although he wished it wasn't true. Then he perked up and looked at Adam. "Is there any reason that the bull of the woods can't be two people?"

It was Adam's turn to frown as he mulled over the difficulties of two people handling that job. The more he thought about it though, the more he considered that it might be the best alternative. He looked at Joe, pointed at him, and then tapped his own right arm. Joe reciprocated. They were going to be each other's own right arm doing for the other what had to be done.

"Adam, are you sure this is the right way to do this?" Jane was worried especially because of the dangers in a timber camp for someone who might not hear the warnings.

"Jane, don't worry. We'll go everywhere together. He's my right arm and my right arm is as important as my, as my, uh, my left arm." Joe started to giggle then and Jane couldn't help herself and joined in as did Adam. What was important though was Adam accepting Joe's help so readily and without argument. He was learning.

However Jane had learned a few things too. "But first Adam has to see Doctor Martin. He has these terrible headaches that come over him and that could be too dangerous. We need to find out what is causing them and what he can do to avoid them if possible."

A little perturbed that Jane had said so much, Adam glared at her but she stood her ground, and the more he thought about it, the more he realized she was correct. He couldn't work with Joe without him realizing what might happen. He also was taking a risk by riding a horse and they both knew that, and Jane had decided that it was about time that Joe knew too. Adam relented and nodded telling Jane to explain everything because she could do it so much faster than he could. She did, and Joe was surprised but not as much as they expected.

"We had guessed that there was likely something else going on that Adam wasn't telling us. We know it's how he is. I'm glad you got him to tell you because it's about time he started trusting somebody enough."

Raising his hands as if in surrender, Adam showed that he understood that he had been wrong to object to Jane being fully honest with his youngest brother, and that he had been wrong in the past to hold back so much from his family. He looked at Joe. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to change, but it is hard to do."

"You don't have to tell me about that. I've been trying to change for years too. I know how hard it is. We're both pretty strong-minded when it comes to doing things our own way. All we can do is our best though, right?" That Joe was willing to be so magnanimous meant a lot to Adam who put out his hand. Joe took it. "Now, tomorrow, we'll head to town instead of directly to the ranch. It'll save time that way. All right?" Jane liked that plan too because she had a few things she wanted to discuss with the doctor as well. She only wished they had found the team of horses so they could take the wagon instead of riding in. Joe saw her worried look and guessed the problem. "Or maybe we should stop at the ranch and get the carriage. Both of you are going to be getting awful tired of riding. We can grab some clothes and stuff and spend the night in town too. We can leave word for Pa and Hoss so they'll know what we're doing and won't worry." For that, he got a kiss on the cheek from Jane as Adam smiled knowing she was worried about him as much as she was concerned about all the riding.

As it turned out, Ben and Hoss got to town before they did by going directly there with the four rustlers and would be kidnappers. They were coming out of Sheriff Roy Coffee's office when Adam and Jane came into town by carriage with Joe riding beside them. As Adam and Jane went to the doctor's office, Joe filled Hoss and Ben in on all that was going on with Adam and what the plan was for the timber contract if Doctor Martin gave his approval for Adam to go up there to work. All three of them headed to the doctor's office to find out what the prognosis was as Hoss explained how easy it had been to apprehend the four outlaws.

"They had no horses. There was only beans in the cabin to eat, and they was out of water right quick. Dry beans ain't so good and they was thirsty. We had three times the guns they had. We told them it wasn't worth dying. One of 'em wanted to shoot it out, but the other three tied him up and shoved him out the door first and then come out right after him. He was a cussin' and a swearin' so bad that Pa had us gag him too. His name is Boston. Ain't that a hoot."

"Yes, has Hoss has so colorfully described it, it appears that this Boston was the leader and recruited the others. They seem willing to testify against him so they may get lighter sentences. Boston will get the maximum if I have any influence. He's the one apparently who came up with the scheme to kidnap Adam. That could have turned out very badly if they weren't so inept at it and the weather hadn't turned so awful."

When they entered Doctor Martin's office, no one was in the outer room so they sat and waited. It was nearly an hour before Adam and Jane came out. Ben stood and worried because Adam looked so serious. Adam shrugged.

"He doesn't know if I will get my hearing back."

Doctor Martin followed the two out and with Adam's permission, explained what he thought was happening. "Adam has hearing even if it is limited. That leads me to believe that perhaps there is no damage but that there is pressure being applied because of the head injury he sustained in the accident. He may have a large hematoma or what amounts to a very large bruise in his brain. It can take a very long time for the body to deal with one of those. Do you remember Lafe Wallace and that bad accident he had where his leg got pinned between his horse and the corral fence when the horse fell. He had a large bruise there that made his leg numb and nearly useless at first. Slowly he got feeling back and eventually was able to use that leg. It took about six months for that large bruise to be completely dissolved."

"But Lafe still limps around quite a lot, Doc, don't he?"

"Yes, he does, Hoss. Lafe did have damage to the muscles and nerves that couldn't be fixed. But what I'm saying is that the pressure from the bruise that made his leg numb eventually went away. That may happen for Adam too. If there is pressure that is causing his hearing loss, then when the pressure is relieved, he may get some or all of his hearing back. Now that will be a long process. It could be another several months before any significant change takes place."

"But you ain't sure."

"No, I can't be sure. We have no way to look inside his skull to see, but from what he's told me, it fits my theory. I don't think he should do anything that could dislodge any part of that blood clot. I think that's why things like chopping wood or the fall from the wagon brought on those terrible headaches. He could have a stroke or worse if that happens again. He can do ordinary things but nothing that jars him or would cause a sudden movement. No riding. He said he came in the carriage today. That's how he should travel until this is resolved."

"How's about a wagon if the seat has springs?"

"Yes, Hoss, that would be fine. I can see you'll be sure to take care of things like that."

"Paul, Adam wants to go up to the timber camp to work with Joe. Can he do that?"

"If he follows the limitations I set out, yes. If he doesn't, well, I've told you the risks too. Now it's getting late. Adam and Jane said they were staying in town tonight. That's a good idea. They both need a good meal and some good rest especially if he plans to go up to your timber camps."

"But first, a bath." Jane got chuckles from all of them on that especially Adam who also appreciated a good warm bath after being out on the ranch working. The family went to the hotel together, but Adam and Jane got a room and ordered a bath while Hoss, Joe, and Ben got a meal. At dinner, Ben suggested that perhaps Joe might want to stay too.

"Tomorrow, at breakfast, you and Adam can make plans and talk about what you want to do."

"C'mon, Pa, what you really want is one of us here looking out for the two of them. Don't look so worried. I don't mind at all. I already had some things with me and was planning to stay."

Smiling as his father shook his head, Joe was rather proud of himself for outmaneuvering his father. At the end of dinner, Joe ordered meals sent up to Adam's room so they wouldn't have to come down for dinner. He put a note on the tray telling Adam what room he was in and that they could meet for breakfast. That was the beginning of a very successful collaboration between Adam and Joe on the timber operations. With both brothers acknowledging not only the necessity of changing some personality traits but also the difficulty of doing so there was quite a bit of understanding that developed between them of mutual struggles. There was also the changed role for Joe who now had to assume more of a mature role and make sure that Adam didn't take any risks. There was one incident at the timber camps that brought that whole relationship into a new realm. Some of the men seemed to resent having to follow plans made by someone that they whispered about as 'feebleminded' because of his disability. Because there was quite a lot that Adam couldn't do because he couldn't hear and a lot he shouldn't do because of doctor's orders, some of the loggers thought that he was less than a man and shouldn't be in charge. Several wanted to challenge him. Joe stepped in because with Adam's temper, it was clear that his older brother was about to give them what they wanted. Forcefully, Joe put both hands on Adam's chest to hold him back.

"You've got more sense than this. You have a wife and a baby on the way. You want to risk all of that for some loudmouthed fools?"

"What? You want me to walk away from what they said?"

"No, I want you to let me handle it?"

"But there are three of them and only one of you?"

"And there are three of them and only one of you and you were going to fight them anyway? The rule is one at a time in the timber camp, right?" Adam nodded. Anything less was considered dishonorable among the men many of whom were crowding around at that point. "Most here know you're not healthy right now. You fought for Pa once when he couldn't. Let me do that for you now."

With his jaw tight, Adam thought about it and then reluctantly agreed. He knew Joe was correct. "Please remember what I taught you. Keep those elbows down to protect your middle, and use everything you've got to win. They don't care about keeping it clean."

Fifteen minutes later, Joe sat on a log next to Adam. He was nursing a set of rapidly expanding bruises as well as a split lip and a nose that was bleeding, but he still managed a smile. "Kept my elbows down the whole time and nobody landed a blow to my middle."

"I guess I forgot to remind you about protecting your chin."

"Yeah, I guess you did. They won't be bothering you any more. Thanks for the lessons though, the ones you taught and the ones I got from watching you fight over the years. You do know how to fight dirty when you need to do it."

"Sometimes it's about winning and surviving. These men don't care about how you fight. They care about who's standing at the end. It's a hard life up here. They want to follow the man who shows he can take it all and come out at the end still on two feet. You showed them you had that today, younger brother. You won't likely have to do it again."

"I hope not. It may take months to recover from this one. Say, how much longer do we have to stay up here?"

"By my calculations, we have enough timber cut and ready to go to meet the contract. As soon as it's on its way, we can go home. It shouldn't be more than two more days."

"Really? That beats the penalty clause by almost a week."

"Yes, so even if we have some problems in transport, it won't be a problem. Will you go with the last of the logs to make sure that there isn't any trouble?"

"Only if you agree to have one of the men ride back home with you."

"I can drive a wagon by myself."

"I know but what if you have one of those attacks while driving? We can't risk it."

There was no argument that Adam could make against that no matter how much he wanted to do just that. However, it was a moot point the next day when Hoss showed up at the camp to see how things were going. As they suspected, their father was getting worried and had sent him to check. He was relieved to find all was well, but it also meant that he and Adam could travel back home together as Joe took the last shipment out. Adam wanted to know how Jane was doing, and Hoss said she was having no problems with morning sickness or anything else which relieved him of his worries about that. The next day, Hoss tied Chubb to the back of the wagon so that he and Adam could ride together. As they did so, Adam complained of the squeaky noise from one of the wheels. Hoss looked at him in surprise.

"You can hear that?"

Again, Adam smiled for it meant that he was getting more of his hearing back. That's how it went for the next several months as bit-by-bit, more of his hearing returned until it was almost normal. By Christmas, he had enough hearing that he could sing some carols with his family but it wasn't good enough yet for him to tune his guitar and play it. That took a few more months. By early spring, it was probably as good as it was going to get according to Doctor Martin.

As Adam and the family were sitting by the fireplace on a cool evening enjoying hot chocolate and cookies after dinner, they were startled by a sudden wailing from upstairs.

"I'll go take care of him." Adam slipped his arm from around Jane's shoulders. "You finish your chocolate and cookies." He headed up the stairs to see what little Abel needed but assumed it was probably a dry bottom and some hugging.

Ben watched his son go and smiled. "Months ago we would never have thought he would ever hear anything like that and now he hears just fine."

Jane thought it was a good moment to add a disclaimer. "There are a few things that aren't quite right though."

Turning to Jane, Ben had to ask. "What things aren't quite right yet?"

"Well at dinner when you asked Adam if anything was wrong because he wasn't participating in the conversation. It was because the three of you got very animated and were talking all at once. He has trouble hearing anything when people do that. He can't sort out the sounds."

"I've noticed that he drops out of the talking we do sometimes. I didn't know why. He shoulda told us. Well I 'spose it would be hard to tell us that."

"I think he keeps hoping that it will get better, but Doctor Martin has told him he doubts that it will."

"Are there any other issues that he's having with his hearing?"

"Nothing that matters much. There are some voices that he finds harder to hear than others too. People who mumble a bit make it difficult for him. So there are some little problems, but nothing that is of any serious concern."

They talked a bit more of things that made it difficult for Adam to hear such as people talking softly when they were facing away from him. For most of the conversation, Joe was quiet. Ben noticed. "Joe, you knew these things, didn't you?"

"Well, yeah. Adam told me because he that's why he wanted me to go with him to the contract negotiations last month. It wasn't just to show me how it's done. It's so he didn't miss anything. He said we do it better as a team anyway, and Jane likes it better that he isn't travelling alone. He would have gotten around to telling you but when he was sure it wasn't getting any better. He's been trying to find ways to adjust to it for now. He can't do that if everyone is making allowances."

It made sense, and Adam wasn't keeping it to himself because he had shared it with Jane, Joe, and Doctor Martin even if Ben and Hoss felt a little left out because they didn't know. Ben understood that very well. If they made allowances, Adam would get used to that, but when he was out in public, they wouldn't know and make allowances and he would be at a distinct disadvantage. He needed to find ways to cope and practicing at home was the best way to do that. They could adjust to that. Jane got up then to go help tend to little Abel.

"Hey, Sis, I thought Adam said he would take care of him."

"Hoss, he can do quite a lot for our son, but there are some things only a mother can do for her baby." Jane turned to go up the stairs then stifling the laughter that threatened to erupt at the sight of Hoss' red faced reaction to that and Joe sputtering over his hot chocolate too. It was amazing to her that she could catch her brothers-in-law occasionally taking a long look at her breasts that were now quite large as she was nursing her son, and yet they were embarrassed to talk about her son suckling at those same breasts. Men, what can you do about the way they think? But she loved one man with all her heart, loved the baby they had together, and she loved living with these three men who were family. Life was good, very good.


End file.
